Week 4

Welcome back to the Rudy Bowl, where this week the entire pool volunteered to walk directly into a buzzsaw and most of you thanked it for the exercise. Three games cooked everybody. Not some of you. Everybody. We'll get there, because it's the only story. First, the coronation. Stacey of "Stacey's Team" takes the $20 and the title of Grand Duchess of the Buzzsaw at 13-3, edging Carson Alnor on the Monday night tiebreaker — and I use "edging" loosely, because Stacey guessed 47 on a game that landed at 69 and was off by 22, while Carson guessed 45 and was off by 24. That's right: the week came down to which of two people was less catastrophically wrong about a shootout. Stacey, your crown is made of garbage, but it's your garbage. Wear it proudly. Now the massacre. One hundred percent of this pool took Buffalo over New England. Every single one of you. BUF lost 29-26. A unanimous conviction, a unanimous face-plant. You also went 100 percent on Minnesota, and Minnesota at least had the decency to win, so congratulations on the one time your groupthink cashed. And then Atlanta walked into New Orleans, where 74 percent of you planted your flag on the Saints, and put up 45-24. Three games where the crowd was certain. Three games where the crowd got cooked. Let's talk Monday night, where the number was 69 and not one of you was within sniffing distance except Jake of "The Probably gonna losers," who guessed 72 and missed by three. Jake, that is the single best decision made in this pool all week, and it's attached to a 10-6 scorecard and the team name "The Probably gonna losers." Meanwhile Margie "Marge in Charge" and LoFo both guessed 42 and missed by 27, which is less a prediction than a guess at a completely different sport. To the basement. Kelly "Boxer Besties" and LoFo "Beauty on Duty" tied for dead last at 5-11, which takes genuine commitment. That is eleven wrong in sixteen tries — you'd have done better flipping a coin, and the coin doesn't have to watch the games. LoFo, "Beauty on Duty" reporting for duty and clocking out at 5-11, you had the balls to call yourself on-duty and then slept through every snap. Brennan "Pick'n my butt" at 7-9 isn't far enough above you to gloat, but he'll take it. Season-wise, Brady Nugent and "Brads Discord" still lead the thing that actually matters at 42 games won, with a pack of six breathing on his neck at 41. Note for the mantelpiece: Stacey won the week and sits 14th on the season at 32 games. One good Sunday, a long way from the trophy. Keep your coins warm, everybody — somebody has to pick the next unanimous loser. See you next week.